I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
