and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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