did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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