I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You may now shotgun with the bride
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
