I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
