At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize