An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
