In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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