My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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