i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They took my balls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
