marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
