So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
