My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
