Fuck appropriateness.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
