I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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