Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize