I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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