Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
