it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
