we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
