he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
