Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
