i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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