her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
