I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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