watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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