Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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