No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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