we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Alive.
So much puke
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
