We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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