so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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