im holly from the hills drunk
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
