At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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