god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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