A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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