Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
