dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
