good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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