i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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