Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
