I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
