he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
