I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
