On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
don't judge my taste in strippers
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
