I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's never too late to be topless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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