I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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