I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
