My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
