where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
