So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
