It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
