drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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