id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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