that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
