I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
