Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize