So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
