hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
