Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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