No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
