I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
